Today I write for me because it's been too long . . .
months of written solitude have weakened me, I write to be strong.
Every stroke, every motion I vow to write every thought, record every notion.
Even now millions of ideas rush through my mind,
things I have been through, situations I have overcome, sadness that lingers,
smiles & tears don't know where they have come from. . . .
I will write, it's a a personal fight within myself that I must voice, I must share with the world;
MY Life, MY lessons, MY Strifes, MY Blessings.
Words are MY weapon.
I arm myself from A-Z, some prefer 1,2,3
but quantity has never outweighed quality, at least not for me . . .
Written, Verbal, Silence . . . I juggle them all
yet, one liberates me, sets my soul free
and with it I shall always be Casie.
Today I write for me . . .
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
You dont reaLize that "he's ALL you have, untiL he's aLL you have. . . ."
I wonder if anyone knows the real Casie . . . some swear they do, others publicly advertise their bewilderment and yet, some are still actively pursuing an understanding, a comprehension of me. . . . However, I know that no one knows me, because I have yet to know me. . . . There are so many faucets, colors, and variations that even I cannot fully digest the extent of my character. Although, I cannot precisely justify with words my composition in a formulated Mission Statement; I can put to rest the endless postulations which seem to regenerate themselves amoungst friends, associates, and strangers.
The first and most resounding fallacy would be what I like to call Society's theory of:
*Mr. and Ms. Casanova* . . . . I will expand on this later . . .
I wonder if anyone knows the real Casie . . . some swear they do, others publicly advertise their bewilderment and yet, some are still actively pursuing an understanding, a comprehension of me. . . . However, I know that no one knows me, because I have yet to know me. . . . There are so many faucets, colors, and variations that even I cannot fully digest the extent of my character. Although, I cannot precisely justify with words my composition in a formulated Mission Statement; I can put to rest the endless postulations which seem to regenerate themselves amoungst friends, associates, and strangers.
The first and most resounding fallacy would be what I like to call Society's theory of:
*Mr. and Ms. Casanova* . . . . I will expand on this later . . .
The Love Bandit
Many loves have engulfed my heart throughout the years
Some have left me confused, some have left me bruised,
and yet some have left me stronger, able to withstand and endure longer...
and some just left...
Sit back let me tell you about the serial heart theft!
He comes in many forms, many colors, many ways...
He fools you once, maybe twice into thinking that he'll stay...
My first encounter with this bandit was quite frank, pretty open, shyt it was candid
He had me going not even realizing that I loved him so...
It wasn't until years later when I found out he planted a seed, watered it and watched it grow.
That's when I recognized I was no longer the one...
I had been replaced by this bitch he called his baby mama and her son.
It hurt, I cried, and accepted my lost as a lesson.
Put up a hard exterior for awhile decided it was better to have one less nigga stressin'
My next meeting with the bandit was a near death experience
He was from the "Nati" and he wanted me to call him Daddy...
He disguised himself as a friend but had alterior motives from way back when.
To him I devoted my heart, my life with hopes of one day being his wife.
My perfect world crumbled beneath my soul, replaced by trials, tribulations and strife.
The man, the being that I once Knew
was destroyed and replaced by the new you...
Walking into the relationship was me, running away from the relationship was I
Me, myself, and I
The three people that are always there, no matter when, why or where.
I felll victim to the trapping of a love lost, I thought it was priceless Now I know it cost.
It hurt, I cried and accepted my lost as a lesson.
Blanketed my fear with inspiring words turned to the Lord with my sin...
Time flew by, things changed, and before I knew it I was attacked again
Just when I thought my heart was gonna mend.
This instant the predator was a flirtatious friend, someone always there...
Never no feelings to bare...
He seduced me with he's poetic raps and harmonic beats
Every conversation was a preformance and I wanted front row seats...
Love, Lust, Communication, Speculations, Irritations, false hopes and aspirations,
lead to revolutions, and uprising devastation.
This one hit me but not like the rest I kind of anticipated it
this time I passed the test.
Another one down Who knows how many are ahead
It hurt, I cried, and accepted my lost as a lesson.
I no longer consider Love a curse but instead a blessing.
Here I am safe, and protected but I hear a knock at the door
A familiar Knock one I've heard before.
day by day it increases slowly affecting me and tearing my heart to pieces.
Maybe Im wrong but yet look at the past I've always been right.
Heartbreak seems habitual and unfortunately near in sight...
Wow... this is an old poem that I recently found.... I wrote it back in September 2005... and smh.... because since then Ive definetly experienced more encounters with "The Love Bandit".... maybe Ill compose a part II.... soon.... we'll see.... =)
Some have left me confused, some have left me bruised,
and yet some have left me stronger, able to withstand and endure longer...
and some just left...
Sit back let me tell you about the serial heart theft!
He comes in many forms, many colors, many ways...
He fools you once, maybe twice into thinking that he'll stay...
My first encounter with this bandit was quite frank, pretty open, shyt it was candid
He had me going not even realizing that I loved him so...
It wasn't until years later when I found out he planted a seed, watered it and watched it grow.
That's when I recognized I was no longer the one...
I had been replaced by this bitch he called his baby mama and her son.
It hurt, I cried, and accepted my lost as a lesson.
Put up a hard exterior for awhile decided it was better to have one less nigga stressin'
My next meeting with the bandit was a near death experience
He was from the "Nati" and he wanted me to call him Daddy...
He disguised himself as a friend but had alterior motives from way back when.
To him I devoted my heart, my life with hopes of one day being his wife.
My perfect world crumbled beneath my soul, replaced by trials, tribulations and strife.
The man, the being that I once Knew
was destroyed and replaced by the new you...
Walking into the relationship was me, running away from the relationship was I
Me, myself, and I
The three people that are always there, no matter when, why or where.
I felll victim to the trapping of a love lost, I thought it was priceless Now I know it cost.
It hurt, I cried and accepted my lost as a lesson.
Blanketed my fear with inspiring words turned to the Lord with my sin...
Time flew by, things changed, and before I knew it I was attacked again
Just when I thought my heart was gonna mend.
This instant the predator was a flirtatious friend, someone always there...
Never no feelings to bare...
He seduced me with he's poetic raps and harmonic beats
Every conversation was a preformance and I wanted front row seats...
Love, Lust, Communication, Speculations, Irritations, false hopes and aspirations,
lead to revolutions, and uprising devastation.
This one hit me but not like the rest I kind of anticipated it
this time I passed the test.
Another one down Who knows how many are ahead
It hurt, I cried, and accepted my lost as a lesson.
I no longer consider Love a curse but instead a blessing.
Here I am safe, and protected but I hear a knock at the door
A familiar Knock one I've heard before.
day by day it increases slowly affecting me and tearing my heart to pieces.
Maybe Im wrong but yet look at the past I've always been right.
Heartbreak seems habitual and unfortunately near in sight...
Wow... this is an old poem that I recently found.... I wrote it back in September 2005... and smh.... because since then Ive definetly experienced more encounters with "The Love Bandit".... maybe Ill compose a part II.... soon.... we'll see.... =)
Monday, October 12, 2009
And There It Is. . .
If only for just one night
Instead of holding my pillow tight
Reminiscing about the good times
Reevaluating passion’s past crimes
Adding up how long it’s been since
I had love in the present tense
Can I spend some time with you
I know it’s only been a week or two
Since you spotted me in the sea of faces
And I bumped into you at a few places
Since we exchanged numbers
Started getting to know each other
Can I get to know you a little better
I wouldn’t particularly call this a love letter
Since I’ll never send it and you won’t receive
But deep down in my heart I believe
That you’ll get the message intended
And no feelings will be offended
Because I’m shy and sensitive like that
I don’t always lay out my emotions flat
Don’t always serve up my desires and wishes
On silver platters and china dishes
I hide them until I feel it’s safe
Then push them over nervously on a paper plate
I’m a simple kind of girl, with simple needs
With a heart warmed by the simple things
The corny stuff that most people claim cliché
I actually like being treated that way
Like door opening and puddle covering sometimes
I’m a little old fashioned, not looking for slick lines
And there it is
Never married, no kids
No drama, no lies
No secrets lurking behind these eyes
No hidden meanings, no lofty thoughts
Just my heart, that’s all I’ve got
I’m ready whenever you are
And this can only go as far
As both of us will let it
Any decision you make you won’t regret it
So if your interested let me know
And if not, then let me go
Instead of holding my pillow tight
Reminiscing about the good times
Reevaluating passion’s past crimes
Adding up how long it’s been since
I had love in the present tense
Can I spend some time with you
I know it’s only been a week or two
Since you spotted me in the sea of faces
And I bumped into you at a few places
Since we exchanged numbers
Started getting to know each other
Can I get to know you a little better
I wouldn’t particularly call this a love letter
Since I’ll never send it and you won’t receive
But deep down in my heart I believe
That you’ll get the message intended
And no feelings will be offended
Because I’m shy and sensitive like that
I don’t always lay out my emotions flat
Don’t always serve up my desires and wishes
On silver platters and china dishes
I hide them until I feel it’s safe
Then push them over nervously on a paper plate
I’m a simple kind of girl, with simple needs
With a heart warmed by the simple things
The corny stuff that most people claim cliché
I actually like being treated that way
Like door opening and puddle covering sometimes
I’m a little old fashioned, not looking for slick lines
And there it is
Never married, no kids
No drama, no lies
No secrets lurking behind these eyes
No hidden meanings, no lofty thoughts
Just my heart, that’s all I’ve got
I’m ready whenever you are
And this can only go as far
As both of us will let it
Any decision you make you won’t regret it
So if your interested let me know
And if not, then let me go
Moving On . . .
So I am sitting here thinking about if I really did love you
Perhaps it was simply the idea of you
I was captivated by the thought of companionship
Infatuated with the thought of a committed relationship
I took the dangling bait
Of having found my perfect mate
And ran with it
Maybe I told myself that I'll do all I can with it
And eventually the love will ring true
But naw, I realize that I did love you
Nevertheless, that was then and this is now
And I heard this woman describe how
When we get wounded we tend to nurse it
And then when it should all be over we rehearse it
We keep rehashing the situation, hurting ourselves with the memories
We keep reenacting it, furthering our miseries
When we need to just surrender to the past and let it go
Stop fighting it, let the battle scars heal and show
Let them fade and disappear
Stop picking at the scabs out of fear
That we'll forget the pain and get hurt again
So now, after loves subsequent bitterness has come to an end
I am ready now
To figure out how
To accept that I will never be your wife
And move on with my life
And the first step to that
Is doing just that
Moving on
Perhaps it was simply the idea of you
I was captivated by the thought of companionship
Infatuated with the thought of a committed relationship
I took the dangling bait
Of having found my perfect mate
And ran with it
Maybe I told myself that I'll do all I can with it
And eventually the love will ring true
But naw, I realize that I did love you
Nevertheless, that was then and this is now
And I heard this woman describe how
When we get wounded we tend to nurse it
And then when it should all be over we rehearse it
We keep rehashing the situation, hurting ourselves with the memories
We keep reenacting it, furthering our miseries
When we need to just surrender to the past and let it go
Stop fighting it, let the battle scars heal and show
Let them fade and disappear
Stop picking at the scabs out of fear
That we'll forget the pain and get hurt again
So now, after loves subsequent bitterness has come to an end
I am ready now
To figure out how
To accept that I will never be your wife
And move on with my life
And the first step to that
Is doing just that
Moving on
Is That Your Chick ???? To: Hip Hop
Why you don't love me no more
How can you let me spend myself poor
It's you that I spoil
Put crowns on your head made you royal
But you fail to recognize me as your queen
I was there when it was all just a dream
When the only person that heard you spit
Was me on the corner or the stoop where you used to sit
Day in and day out
When I barely had enough money to put food in my own mouth
I fed your pain and your anguish
I put breath into your language
I threw 40s on your fire to coax the flames
I was there when you was a nobody now you call me names
Say you don't love them hos
Am I supposed to be one of those
Playin my shady for them groupies
Or those girls gone wild floosies
Why you don't love me no more
Wasn't I there when you got your foot in the door
Wasn't I rockin the name plate gold
When your first record sold
Wasn't I the first to cop it
when the record company heard next one failed to drop it
Wasn't I there to pick up the pieces
Didn't I pick you up at your prison releases
but now i'm not good enough for your movie releases
I used to keep your dough in check
Before the white man started cutting the check
Didn't I used to throw my hands in the air
Cornrow your hair
Go half on your ones and tims
Now you abandon me for rims
Call me out my name in every other bar you spit
I was Bonnie and you was Clyde now who you ridin wit
I guess now you're batman and robin
Just another black man robbin
The black woman of her sanctity and value
Please pay attention to how you
Mention me in your future references
Because you are sending out negative messages
To the little boys growing up mouthing your words
To the little girls growing up wishing for those curves
That the girls in the videos possess
Before shes even ready to handle the stress
Of treating her body like it's a temple
she should just be worried about not getting pimples
But she's worried about not getting pregnant
Because it is evident
That her boyfriend won't be her boyfriend when she becomes a mother
It could be because our music isn't about loving each other
More about hittin it and quittin it
Sayin to your homies fuck a bitch
Do you realize
That you and your guys
Wouldn't even be here if a woman didn't birth you
I know it might hurt you
To think about
The fact that you did not come about
All by yourself
You had a little help
Mainly from mommy
So next time you calmly
Dismiss me in your platinum track
Launch a full on attack
Make me that slut and that bitch
Remember who made you rich
And how I almost died trying
How can you let me spend myself poor
It's you that I spoil
Put crowns on your head made you royal
But you fail to recognize me as your queen
I was there when it was all just a dream
When the only person that heard you spit
Was me on the corner or the stoop where you used to sit
Day in and day out
When I barely had enough money to put food in my own mouth
I fed your pain and your anguish
I put breath into your language
I threw 40s on your fire to coax the flames
I was there when you was a nobody now you call me names
Say you don't love them hos
Am I supposed to be one of those
Playin my shady for them groupies
Or those girls gone wild floosies
Why you don't love me no more
Wasn't I there when you got your foot in the door
Wasn't I rockin the name plate gold
When your first record sold
Wasn't I the first to cop it
when the record company heard next one failed to drop it
Wasn't I there to pick up the pieces
Didn't I pick you up at your prison releases
but now i'm not good enough for your movie releases
I used to keep your dough in check
Before the white man started cutting the check
Didn't I used to throw my hands in the air
Cornrow your hair
Go half on your ones and tims
Now you abandon me for rims
Call me out my name in every other bar you spit
I was Bonnie and you was Clyde now who you ridin wit
I guess now you're batman and robin
Just another black man robbin
The black woman of her sanctity and value
Please pay attention to how you
Mention me in your future references
Because you are sending out negative messages
To the little boys growing up mouthing your words
To the little girls growing up wishing for those curves
That the girls in the videos possess
Before shes even ready to handle the stress
Of treating her body like it's a temple
she should just be worried about not getting pimples
But she's worried about not getting pregnant
Because it is evident
That her boyfriend won't be her boyfriend when she becomes a mother
It could be because our music isn't about loving each other
More about hittin it and quittin it
Sayin to your homies fuck a bitch
Do you realize
That you and your guys
Wouldn't even be here if a woman didn't birth you
I know it might hurt you
To think about
The fact that you did not come about
All by yourself
You had a little help
Mainly from mommy
So next time you calmly
Dismiss me in your platinum track
Launch a full on attack
Make me that slut and that bitch
Remember who made you rich
And how I almost died trying
I Wear The Mask (an ode to Washington, D.C.)
Ive been walking around
With this involuntary frown
Trying to avoid the hoots and the growls
Keep the hounds and owls
At bay
But they speak to me anyway
Pretty lady, why wont you give me a smile?
I want to answer, Because I havent in such a long while . . .
I dont think I remember how
Ive been here in DC for about 10 months now
And for my own protection
Ive learned not to look in their direction
Not to acknowledge their presence
Because my feminine essence
Attracts all kinds of creeps
As I journey through these streets
To and from classDown Georgia Ave
At PG Plaza and Pentagon City
Girls dont even have to be pretty
You could look like youre two steps from the grave
And youll still find that they behave
Unnecessarily bold and rude
Drooling like dogs eyeing their food
And Im not trying to be anybodys next meal
No one told me there would be an extra field
That Id have to study and master
Had to learn how to make my face like plaster
Keep every emotion or feeling in
And when the insults start reeling in
From the mouths of my brethren
I just have to weather them
Because theyre just trying to get my attention
Im in a war with them and I have to win
I miss those days when I could laugh and grin
With my home girls as we do our daily thing
Without having to worry about the attention it would bring
From these animals just looking for some fresh meat
How many times do I have to repeat
No thank you, Im not interested, I got a man
Before dudes stop trying to grab my arm or my hand
As I make my way
To do what I have to do that day
The scowl I wear is just armor
Every girl has one so nobody will harm her
Some days it works great and other times the barrier is too thin
Sometimes the men win
They catch when her when her guard is down
She cannot hold on to her frown
Somebody gave her a genuine compliment and she feels flattered
Until some man, old and haggard
Tells her hes got what she needs
And he wants what he sees
So when Im walking down the street
Determination pushing my feet
With my face solid as a rock
Please dont pull up in your car and stop
Ask me why I dont smile
Then ask me if I want to ride a while
Perverted winks and air kisses
Whistles, hoots, and freaky hisses
Dont wonder why I ignore you
I am not here for youTo get your thrills
Until youve had your fill
Im a lady, so you need to treat me as such
At least give me that much
Even if I was a ho
Would you really even know?
Because youre coming at me too aggressively
Doing everything excessively
Youre either overly ambitious or downright nasty
Try for a moment please to be classy
Treat us with respect
And you may not get
That frown
The next time around
Case of The 'EX'
Damn, I used to be so mad at you
Scribbling feverishly in my notebook ready to lyrically slap you
I was a woman scorned on the loose
Every song on the radio gave my fury a boost
Every movie, every show had me ready to erupt
I was going for blood in my eyes you were so corrupt
A con-man, a swindler, and most importantly a heart breakin thief
Stole away with my love and left me with nothing but grief
Made my past seem worthless, all my happy times in vain
Made my days a blur of tears, anger, and pain
Dammit I was so close to hating you if only I didnt love you
Every song I heard and every movie I saw made me think of you
Everynight crying myself to sleep, I was so depressed
Found myself thinking about you all the time, I was so obsessed
Wrote countless letters, picked up the phone countless times ready to vent
I missed you with a vengeance fueled by discontent
I was unhappy with you but refused to be happy without you
Couldnt stop remembering the early days, disappointed by what it amounted to
Me here and you there
Couldnt stop thinking about how this wasnt fair
I wasnt supposed to fall so hard so young
Walked around school and home so numb
My laughter had an edge, my smile had a twist
Now I realize that it wasnt so much you that I missed
It was more of what we had
Shit, I used to be so mad
Angry at you for taking away the only thing I thought Id done right
A good relationship we rarely fussed, we didnt fight
Wed both made our mistakes and learned from them too
Id endured the drama, proved my love was true
But then my forever and ever came to an end
And I became just another bitter ex-girlfriend
Okay so . . . this poem is about being a bitter ex . . . i would like to say that i've never been bitter but dammit i have . . . we all have . . . the thing about being bitter is that you're mad yet you miss them, you can't stand them but you can't stand being without them . . . it's really a crazy thing
Scribbling feverishly in my notebook ready to lyrically slap you
I was a woman scorned on the loose
Every song on the radio gave my fury a boost
Every movie, every show had me ready to erupt
I was going for blood in my eyes you were so corrupt
A con-man, a swindler, and most importantly a heart breakin thief
Stole away with my love and left me with nothing but grief
Made my past seem worthless, all my happy times in vain
Made my days a blur of tears, anger, and pain
Dammit I was so close to hating you if only I didnt love you
Every song I heard and every movie I saw made me think of you
Everynight crying myself to sleep, I was so depressed
Found myself thinking about you all the time, I was so obsessed
Wrote countless letters, picked up the phone countless times ready to vent
I missed you with a vengeance fueled by discontent
I was unhappy with you but refused to be happy without you
Couldnt stop remembering the early days, disappointed by what it amounted to
Me here and you there
Couldnt stop thinking about how this wasnt fair
I wasnt supposed to fall so hard so young
Walked around school and home so numb
My laughter had an edge, my smile had a twist
Now I realize that it wasnt so much you that I missed
It was more of what we had
Shit, I used to be so mad
Angry at you for taking away the only thing I thought Id done right
A good relationship we rarely fussed, we didnt fight
Wed both made our mistakes and learned from them too
Id endured the drama, proved my love was true
But then my forever and ever came to an end
And I became just another bitter ex-girlfriend
Okay so . . . this poem is about being a bitter ex . . . i would like to say that i've never been bitter but dammit i have . . . we all have . . . the thing about being bitter is that you're mad yet you miss them, you can't stand them but you can't stand being without them . . . it's really a crazy thing
CaLifornication
Let me tell you something about my city,
No, it's not always pretty
The sun don't always shine
And the streets ain't paved with gold – but they're mine...
Every crack and every crevice
Just adds to it's essence
A city of both grandeur and grotesque
Hard to capture it all in one shot but clearly picturesque
So rich it's in rags, so poor it's on rims
No need for them in the winter but we rock bubbles and tims
When summer hits the heat rises as does the crime
Police can't solve the cases, they don't have the time
Between profiling and filling quotas
Who has time to investigate, who has time to find motives
If they're black and brown it must be gang violence
This is a city too loud to live with death in silence
My city tends to bear bitter fruit, long lived strange
Switched poplars for palm trees, liquor store neon signs for flames
The land where everything blings, the Kingdom of Conspicuous Consumption
Trying to keep up with the Joneses under the blind assumption
That we've gotta shine til our hearts stop
A city full of underdogs always tryna show they on top
While america's sweethearts try to blend in to the scenery
Palm trees and mary jane, most (in)famous part of our greenery
But we're more than the glamour, much more than the glitz
More than Friday, more than Poetic Justice
More than salesmen in tees, more than hustlers in ties
There's so much here to soak in, so many different lives
Every dream is unique but the goals are the same
Somehow beat the odds in this rigged game
Behind the red and blue, behind the black and white
Behind the black and brown wars, behind the constant flight or fight
Strip away the degeneration and defeat, peel away the fortune and fame
Here lies a city that people fall in love with at the thought of its name
Guilty of breaking hearts in the winter, prone to spring and summer flings
We've got the City of Angels struggling to fly in the sunshine with wax wings
"To live and die in LA, it's the place to be You've got to be there to know it, what everybody wanna see" by 2pac
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